Stretching on for miles

I have made a journey of a couple of 1000 Kms, and not much has changed. I guess I did have a lot to write about, but now the only thing that strikes me is how much time is wasted, and how much can be done in that time.

I've been putting in more effort now days than I have in a lot of days. I'm further from family and closer to a lot of friends, not a trade-off I'd like to make. Any one who knows me, knows exactly which option I'd choose, I'd make it without a thought.

I've gotten to work with some pretty impressive people, I've gotten to see people who I could not imagine doing what they are doing, I've seen people whom I wouldn't imagine doing any thing else. Effort is inevitable.

What can I say - it's been an experience. I've learn't that photography requires a steady hand, and especially so with cellphones.

"2000 Miles" by The Pretenders

Hes gone 2000 miles
Its very far
The snow is falling down
Gets colder day by day
I miss you

The children will sing
Hell be back at christmastime

In these frozen and silent nights
Sometimes in a dream you appear
Outside under the purple sky
Diamonds in the snow sparkle
Our hearts were singing
It felt like christmas time

2000 miles
Is very far through the snow
Ill think of you
Wherever you go

Hes gone 2000 miles
Its very far
The snow is falling down
Gets colder day by day
I miss you

I can hear people singing
It must be christmas time
I hear people singing
It must be christmas time

Fame And All Its Decadence

I was reading a blog of a person I know, I was disappointed. There wasn’t enough there, he had so much potential. I’m kind of sad. I guess that I should not expect much, I was not too close to him. We’d hung out, we’d gamed together, we’d spoken, suggested movies, suggested music. Not much else, ah – well live and learn eh ?

He’s doing well though – it’s not his life I’m talking about – with respect to potential of course, it’s his blog. Who’da thunk.

I remember I’d thought one day of writing a blog post titled “my disillusionment” it started as follows – “I wonder whether I was naïve, misinformed or just plain stupid to expect anything else”. I never finished it. Is there a reason to my not finishing it ? Of course, will I share it, of course I will, but not now.

Porcupine Tree - The Sound of Muzak

Hear the sound of music
Drifting in the aisles
Elevator prozac
Stretching on for miles

The music of the future
Will not entertain
It's only meant to repress
And neutralise your brain

Soul gets squeezed out
Edges get blunt
Demographic
Gives what you want

Now the sound of music
Comes in silver pills
Engineered to suit you
Building cheaper thrills

The music of rebellion
Makes you wanna rage
But it's made by millionaires
Who are nearly twice your age

One of the wonders of the world is going down
It's going down I know
It's one of the blunders of the world that no-one cares
No-one cares enough

Locked in Clutch

Every couple of years, I go back to the places of my childhood for a couple of days/weeks months etc. This allows the “positive vibes” resonate with my body strengthening the positive emotions and ensuring that I’m in harmony with my surroundings and all that jazz. Now if you believe that ? What I find interesting is that each time I arrive and meet the same people whom I’ve met over so many years – my faith in the human race is reinforced, I see what I have lost due to cynicism and how jaded I’ve become. Ah well – all for a greater good ?

I found out a couple of things over the past month, I have a fear of death, I am susceptible to the same emotions as every one else – and I am much more jaded and cynical than needed. Weirdly the fear of death was the most surprising of them all. There do indeed exist good people who do things for the betterment of others out of no apparent selfish motivation. This completely messes up my world view, sigh, I need to be in the “real world” more often, but giving up on “aura cleansing/vibration resonating” is not something I’m willing to do. Engineering Trade-off it’s called.

Amongst other things I’ve noticed while reading bad novels, I’ve realised that if you can read multiple series by the same author, their biases become obvious. At least it seems to work in retrospect as every one knows, hindsight is 20-20. George R. R. Martin seems to be one of the few without any obvious bias, so far. I’m still waiting for his song of ice and fire series to end, I hope it does get published though. I loved what he’s started, it’s epic, I just hope he finishes it.

As usual the lyrics have nothing to do with anything at all.

A Perfect Circle- "The Outsider"

Help me if you can

It's just that this, this is not the way I'm wired

So could you please,

Help me understand why

You've given in to all these

Reckless dark desires

You're lying to yourself again

Suicidal imbecile

Think about it, put it on the faultline

What'll it take to get it through to you precious

I'm over this. Why do you wanna throw it away like this

Such a mess. Why would I want to watch you.

Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time

What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerence

Narcissistic, drama queen, craving fame and all its decadence

Lying through your teeth again

Suicidal imbecile

Think about it, put it on the fautline

What'll it take to get it through to you precious

Go with this, why do you wanna throw it away like this

Such a mess. Why would I wanna watch you...

Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time

What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

They were right about you

They were right about you

Lying to my face again

Suicidal imbecile

Think about it put it on the fautline

What'll it take to get it through to you precious

I'm over this. Why do you wanna throw it away like this

Such a mess, I'm over this, over this!

Disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time

What's your hurry, everyone will have his day to die

If you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere,

Do it somewhere far away from here

Numb and Strange

Have been doing research by remote control, don't like it too much. I'd much rather do it in person. I've been lazing around, I like that, and dislike that, at the same time. I'm scared of not being able to remain sharp enough, of slipping.

Any ways, I've submitted one paper yesterday, got one tomorrow.

Before I Forget: Slipknot

Go!

Stapled shut, inside an outside world and I'm
Sealed in tight, bizarre but right at home
Claustrophobic, closing in and I'm
Catastrophic, not again
I'm smeared across the page, and doused in gasoline
I wear you like a stain, yet I'm the one who's obscene
Catch me up on all your sordid little insurrections,
I've got no time to lose, and I'm just caught up in all the cattle

Fray the strings
Throw the shapes
Hold your breath
Listen!

I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
BEFORE I FORGET THAT!

I'm ripped across the ditch, and settled in the dirt and I'm
I wear you like a stitch, yet I'm the one who's hurt
Pay attention to your twisted little indiscretions
I've got no right to win, I'm just caught up all the battles

Locked in clutch
Pushed in place
Hold your breath
Listen!

I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
BEFORE I FORGET THAT!

I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
BEFORE I FORGET THAT!

My end
It justifies my means
All I ever do is delay
My every attempt to evade
The end of the road and my end
It justifies my means
All I ever do is delay
My every attempt to evade
THE END OF THE ROAD!

I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
BEFORE I FORGET THAT!

I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
BEFORE I FORGET THAT!

I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
BEFORE I FORGET THAT!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, OH!

Eons and infinity, are but a tomorrow away.

So I receive an email, it lies unread in my inbox, I lie sleeping in my room, late night, loads of work. I could say something along the lines of - is an email still received unless it's been read ? Or something more 'Zen', more 'wise' less like me, I won't, mostly cause I can't come up with someting 'wise'. More importantly it was at that time that I was woken up by a call on my cell. It was the professor whom I work for, he wanted to tell me a paper I'd written and presented was being invited for publication in a journal. The deadline ? - not enough for anything to actually be done, not enough could be added, that would make it worth a journal in my opinion.

The email is below -----


Dear Authors,

We are publishing extended versions of the highly rated papers presented at yyyy at the xxxx {a rather decent journal}

Since your following paper was among the top few accepted papers relevant to xxx, we would like to invite you to publish an extended version at xxx. Kindly let us know your decision. The submission is due {Some date is mentioned}.


Thanks again for your contribution to yyyy!



Program Co-Chairs, yyyy


-----------------

A day later I am told that the deadline is significantly later, I check, it's true we have enough time. I am now buzzing with excitement.

A random, completely unrelated song to celebrate this. Interestingly the paper if I've not already mentioned this - was my undergrad thesis, it resulted in an invite, yay me.

Dream Theater - New Millennium

A single star behind me
A red sky burns ahead
A lonely light below me
Awake among the dead
An overwhelming feeling
Leaves me numband strange
A sense of new beginning
I sense a wind of change

Out with the old useless
People so cold ruthless welcome
In a new millennium
How many times must i
Live out this nightmare i
Can't wait until a new millennium

I've got this feeling
The tide is turning now baby
Funny feeling everything's gonna be alright now

Living out a constant deja vu
Keep your head up
Please be patient we will get to you
Keep your head up
Just have some faith and you can see it
Through
Keep your head up
But faith don't pay the rent that's overdue
Keep your head up
All that's glittering is turning blue
Keep your head up
What they want from me ain't gotta clue
Keep your head up
Swallow pride before it swallows you
Keep your head up
Don't dare bite the hand that's starving you
Keep your head up

How can you keep your head
And not go insane when the only light at the end
Of the tunnel is another train

The lies ten feet tall
Have broken my fall
Welcome you all new millennium

It's well overdue and i can't wait to
Welcome in a new millennium
I've got this feeling
The tide is turning now baby
Funny feeling
Everything's gonna be alright now

Scar where all my urges bled

So, the advantage of being in academia ? Well, it ensures you've never forgotten what your nightmares were like, as a child. Don't you agree ? No ? Maybe you've just not gotten that kind of stress, that's fine. It's good. Fortunately for me, I have people I can share most of these things with, last week was not the best though in terms of nightmares, three in a week, or was it two. They are blurred, I only remember the feeling, multiple in a day does not bode well I guess.

Ah - well. C'est la vie, non ?

Muse: Butterflies And Hurricanes


change,
everything you are
and everything you were
your number has been called
fights, battles have begun
revenge will surely come
your hard times are ahead

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

change,
everything you are
and everything you were
your number has been called
fights and battles have begun
revenge will surely come
your hard times are ahead

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

don't,
let yourself down
don't let yourself go
your last chance has arrived

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

Speak to me now and the world will crumble

Yes, I've been listening to Opeth a little too much. The point however is this, I shall do something that I do not often do, talk about an issue that has been bothering me of late. Yes, I shall talk about my opinions on a matter apart from my life, I shall do what "good" bloggers and writers do.

The issue of course, is how sporting events divide people amongst each other. Actually that was all that I had to say about it, I hate how that happens, so club sports end up irritating me a lot. That's about it.

On the other hand, I've found brilliant new music at long last. Tool is now complemented by Porcupine Tree, Opeth, Dream Theater and Rush. I'll post lyrics to one of their songs below.

Porcupine Tree: The Sound Of Muzak

Hear the sound of music
Drifting in the aisles
Elevator prozac
Stretching on for miles

The music of the future
Will not entertain
It's only meant to repress
And neutralise your brain

Soul gets squeezed out
Edges get blunt
Demographic
Gives what you want

Now the sound of music
Comes in silver pills
Engineered to suit you
Building cheaper thrills

The music of rebellion
Makes you wanna rage
But it's made by millionaires
Who are nearly twice your age

One of the wonders of the world is going down
It's going down I know
It's one of the blunders of the world that no-one cares
No-one cares enough

The queen of spades

Well, I guess this had to be done. I needed to make a decision, I have almost made one. I choose to be pragmatic and level headed I think. I've not completely made up my mind. I'll most probably be doing that though. The more I think about it, the more I realise that I do not have the risk taking thing. That they say you should have, oh I have it, but I seem to not do the whole following of the heart bit too well.

I also realised that I am to a large extent fickle and what I like now - I might not like two years down the line, and what I might like then I might never have heard of now.

The thing is, you most probably don't even know what I'm talking about, I've kept most of you in the dark, for a reason. I want there to be asymmetric flow of information, keeps some part of the dynamic in my hand. Some of you know the complete story, some who do don't visit this, that's alright, they get told more than you'd care to know.

Song time I guess, ps: the title, King of hearts would have left people with an interesting expectation. Hence the other card that popped into my head - the ace of spades- hence well you get the general idea. The King of hearts would be the title 'cause well the decision I need to make most probably will break my heart. I most probably have already subconsciously made it. Any ways, song time, I've been listening to Dream Theater a lot, of late so this is what dictates the choice, not related to the above post, as such.

Lost in the sky
Clouds roll by and I roll with them
Arrows fly
Seas increase and then fall again

This world is spinning around me
This world is spinning without me
Every day sends future to past
Every breath leaves one less to my last

Watch the sparrow falling
Gives new meaning to it all
If not today nor yet tomorrow then some other day

Ill take seven lives for one
And then my only fathers son
As sure as I ever did love him
I am not afraid

This world is spinning around me
The whole world keeps spinning around me
All life is future to past
Every breath leaves me one less to my last

Pull me under pull me under
Pull me under Im not afraid
All that I feel in honor and spite
All I can do is set it right

Dust fills my eyes
Clouds roll by and I roll with them
Centuries cry
Orders fly and I fall again

This world is spinning inside me
The whole world is spinning inside of me
Every day sends future to past
Every step brings me closer to my last

Pull me under pull me under
Pull me under Im not afraid
Living my life too much in in the sun
Only until your will is done

Serotonin Rush

That's what I felt, it was a calming feeling - to know that the other person is truly concerned. That you're not just any one. I knew that of course, people have mentioned it, and I've been consulted on things I would not imagine being consulted on anywhere else, I've been treated like an equal.

But today I was treated like a student, with a concerned teacher, it felt nice. There was concern surprise, awe at my stupidity, reassurance and a quiet suggestion that alternatives exist. I've never considered the alternatives maybe I should, I might, I'd be devastated, but I might.

Now I leave you with an opeth song - I really found this to be particularly nice.

Death Whispered A Lullaby: Opeth

Out on the road there are fireflies circling
Deep in the woods, where the lost souls hide
Over the hill there are men returning
Trying to find some peace of mind

Sleep my child [4x]

Under the fog there are shadows moving
Don't be afraid, hold my hand
Into the dark there are eyelids closing
Buried alive in the shifting sands
Sleep my child [4x]

Speak to me now and the world will crumble
Open a door and the moon will fall
All of your life all your memories
Go to your dreams, forget it all
Sleep my child [4x]

They were the best of times

Well no, they certainly were not, they were much closer to the worst of times to be more truthful. There was nothing extraordinary, nothing special. There were pangs of envy, there always are. You might have an image of how bad it is, do not worry, you're right, it is that bad. The reason I tell you to not worry, is not because you are letting your imagination run wild with implications and possibilities, it's because you're letting it run wild trying to gauge the effects of said implications et. al. on me and my reactions to them. They will be taken care of. I will have to, options of any other sort are not available to me. They exist mind you, I choose not to recognise them, to ignore them, the desporation borne of this should result in something. I've made the choice, let's see - this after all is the greatest of all experiments.

There will be days of sadness, followed by - satisfaction, yes there will be no joy. A slight sliver maybe, tempered with the knowledge that something better exists, leading ultimately to more dissatisfaction than you'd want. It's a price I pay, not willingly mind you, not gladly, but begrudgingly, because I feel I have no other option. I do not want to know about that other person, I know already, in my heart of hearts I know. There will be days of cleverness, of elegance, nothing over the top, nothing extreme, but they will help understand why it is that I do what I do. Why I want to do that. They will be few, randomly spaced, each successive one an oasis in a sea of doubt. The suffering that will be experienced - will be required, there is no guarantee it will help, none that others require it as well, but it will be required, it always is.

There was no reason for this post, it is vague at its best, purposely made so, if you don't understand what it's about - you're most probably not the target audience, if you did, think again, yes of course, you are right, but still - think again. I ask you to think, mostly because I seem to not want to, it is surprising but the effort to actually sit down and form coherent thoughts seems to leave me weak, gasping for air, like a cat on mars, hoping its last life still remains. Nevertheless these functions, writing, talking, they require no thought on my part, this sadly is the truth. The joy of intense thought has left, I feel unable to bear the process, the time it takes, the arduousness of it all. If all of this seems familiar to you, the feelings and the frustration. Then you have my pity, no one should feel this way, I know I feel like this but it is temporary, I'll find my joy soon enough, I hope you do as well. No, I did not mean sympathy.

The tone was different, have you seen grainy video ? The tone here would have suited a grainy video, the cinematic kind, not the one that was called cinematic cause there was no better camera available, but the pretentious kind. No I was not being pretentious. No, I do not in fact think I know what questions are running through your head, I answer the ones I'd assumed would come up.

No lyrics that reflect what I've said, I have nothing dark and morbid enough. They may exist, but I don't have them. Lyrics for an unrelated song follow nonetheless, Placebo.

"Sleeping with ghosts" - Placebo

The sea's evaporated
Though it comes as no surprise
These clouds we're seeing
They're explosions in the sky
It seems it's written
But we can't read between the line

Hush
It's okay
Dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes
Cause soulmates never die

This one world vision
Turns us in to compromise
What good's religion
When it's each other we despise
Damn the government
Damn their killing
Damn their lies

Hush
It's okay
Dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes
Cause soulmates never die

Soulmates never die
Never die
Soulmates never die
Never die...
Soulmates never die
Soulmates never die
Soulmates never die
Soulmates never die

Twisted Nails of Faith

Very interesting things have happened, AMD sold off their mobile division to Qualcomm, Intel is outsourcing their ATOM production to TSMC and Nvidia might just get into x86 based chips. Not many people understand the implications of these things - suffice to say things are messed up. The current economic situation as everyone calls it, has messed things up a lot.

I've recently come back to listening to TOOL and let me be the first person to say that they are awesome. Speaking of music, there are two interesting songs by Smashing Pumpkins (there are many but these two are special for a different reason) these two - named the 'Beginning is the end is the beginning' and the 'End is the beginning is the end' have been created for two super hero movies namely "Batman and Robin" and 'Watchmen' (not necessarily in that order, and fans of watchmen will argue with me for calling it a superhero movie, but lets not get into that) . I've put the lyrics to both the songs later on. There was also my rediscovery of 'Crazy town' via a song of theirs called 'Discovery' pretty nice.


I remember there was a comet that was supposed to be visible around the 26th or so of Feb sadly I couldn't see it mostly because I had no telescope or binoculars but also because well everything in the nightsky seemed tinged with green that night, searching for a green tinged comet was not exactly - easy. A remark on the ides of march coming up made me remember books by Richard Armour, his books were almost integral to my childhood and memories of reading them during the summer are still very very close to me. Reading those books draped over chair's armrests and eating Leechis are in fact very very - enwarming and enfuzzying.

Nothing much of note has happened I'm awaiting march madness, as are a lot of other people, lets see what it results in. 'Twisted nails of faith' by the way is a song by 'Cradle of Filth', not an exceptional song, or even a good one, but one whose name I happen to like.

The Beginning is the End is the Beginning - Smashing Pumpkins
The Watchmen version

Send a heartbeat to
The void that cries through you
Relive the pictures that have come to pass
For now we stand alone
The world is lost and blown
And we are flesh and blood disintegrate
With no more to hate

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold secrets flame
We can watch the world devoured in it's pain

Delivered from the blast
The last of a line of lasts
The pale princess of a palace cracked
And now the kingdom comes
Crashing down undone
And I am a master of a nothing place
Of recoil and grace

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold secrets flame
We can watch the world devoured in it's pain

Time has stopped before us
The sky cannot ignore us
No one can separate us
For we are all that is left
The echo bounces off me
The shadow lost beside me
There's no more need to pretend
Cause now I can begin again

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold secrets flame
We can watch the world devoured in it's pain
Strange
Strange
Strange

The End is the Beginning is the End - Smashing Pumpkins
The Batman Version

The sewers belch me up
The heavens spit me out
From ethers tragic I am born again
And now I'm with you now
Inside your world of wow
To move in desires made of deadly pretends
Till the end times begin

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour, I hold secrets flame
You can watch the world devoured in it's pain
Strange

Climb my ribcage to
The replays run for you
Unhook my lights to peek behind the flash
For I am crystal chrome
I am shatter dome
I am kremlin king of angels avenged
To destroy the end

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour, I hold secrets flame
You can watch the world devoured in it's pain

The zeppelins rain upon us
The guns of love disastrous
A shadow lies amongst you
To defy the future cast

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour, I hold secrets flame
You can watch the world devoured in it's pain
Strange
Strange

Pilot of the storm

Lines from 'Kashmir', and they are interesting. The complete line is 'O pilot of the storm that leaves no trace/ Like thoughts inside a dream'. Though I understand the imagery well enough, I do however remember my thoughts at least during some memorable dreams.

The point however is exactly that, none of us would like to be like the aforementioned pilot, or aforementioned dreams - evanescent. Most would like to have impact. That's about all I'll say on these lines.

I had a lot to write, I'll not do so. I end up making fun of people who are sincere about opening up their souls on the net, I don't think I'll stop doing that any time soon. Imagine me going around seeing things other people don't and finally whispering - "I see lame people", that's how I feel, and I don't want to hurt their feelings.

In local news, there was much fun to be had, and many sweets to be partaken of, during the 12th to 14th Feb period. I had been volunteerd for a workshop, and basically did work, so I got to eat dessert, and only dessert for dinner - if I so chose. I was not shameless enough, I ate a little salad as well sadly.

In world news now, Sweden reports trial results on 'The Pirate's Bay' which seems to be going well for the defendants, when asked to comment they said - "We've never read you're blog or met you, we're not going to comment", despite declining to comment they still have my support. The prosecution seems to have been making a fool of themselves, to quite an extent, which is totally awesome. Ploys such as the 'KingKong' defense, 'Twinkie' defence and the 'Chewabacca' defence are being used by both parties - the 'KingKong' variety being an invention of the current defence attorney, used first for this trial. By the by, I kid you not, those are actual names, you can check them up on wikipedia.

For those in the dark, there was an EPIC EPOCH moment in *nix, it had been 1234567890 seconds since *nix was first made, this happened a couple of days back. Many people celeberated, I slept, I like *nix, but come on seriously ? Geek much ? (nothing wrong with being a geek, by the way but celeberate awesomeness not this !).

Went shopping, got my luck back, being as superstitious as I am etc. The important thing here is the placebos effect, and that only. I also happened to have dreamt about this particular shopping trip about a couple of years ago, Vu jàDé any one ? (that was Déjà vu - messed up, for the exceptionally order loving).

In one of his recent comics, XKCD posed a question, a dilema if you will. How do you use emotes within paranthesis, my solution has always been to either ignore it (how inelegant of me) or to use {} and [], instead of paranthesis. Square brackets seems to be better - from an aesthetic view point, and easily replace the parenthesis. However in case there is a convention that is being followed and they cannot - I have no solution, I suggest you speak about it during the next "World Meet on Important Matters(tm)".

Work on genetic algorithms was fun while it lasted, though it sounds cool, it was not. It was however easy to work with, and slightly messed up in terms of the terminology. In the initial variants I had gotten it to not work, but it was 'not working' so well that I didn't have the heart to debug. I had to however, I did, Vini, Vidi, Computer-Break-i, those in the know, know of my 5 years of latin studies, (I did in fact use textbooks, for those interested in learning - I'd suggest "Astrix the Gaul" as your starting point).

I have also noticed at times, 5 rats running around in my floor of the building where I stay. They aren't blind and all seem to not be tailless. I cannot imagine a sight scarier, if three blind mice can cause a ruckus, I don't want to be around for when these 5 sighted set decide to have their revenge. Others in the same floor, also had a similar idea(wrt being scared of the rats of course), being engineers, the lazy set - they caught a cat off the street and brought it up to the floor. I've never seen chain staring to this depth before, it happens in movies girl staring at a guy who is staring at a different girl etc. etc. ? But in real life ? Person 1 staring at person 2, who is staring at the cat who is staring intently at rat 1 who is staring at rat 2, ..., rat 5.

Now most of you would look at the above statement and say, "Hey what the hell - indexing from 1 ? Have I turned into a sellout ?". The answer is no, I've always loved C, and will never sell out to fortran or pascal or whatever, once a zero indexer always a zero indexer. However, I've never labeled variables starting from zero, I've used it mostly for array indices, no matter what the language( Except for SciLab/MATlab), and hence I've remained true to the language I started out with.

Back to the question of rats ? Well I got no clue what happened to the cat, or the rats, a set of 5 rats still run around, still not sightless or tailless. We cannot verify if these are indeed the same rats, zombie rats, or a set of replacement rats sent by the dogfather, that chin scratching mongrel. The cat is nowhere to be seen. Lots of us would of course venture on to ask the question, Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Those of us without the required year 1 reading in "Astrix", would ask who gaurds the gaurds. The answer is surprisingly obvious. Math will gaurd the gaurds, we use math to check if the gaurds are slacking off and what the probability of said slacker type behaviour is. Error Correcting Codes for those of you who might be interested, would be one such mathematical technique. CRC is the simplest of such techniques and LDPC (something I've worked on) one of the most effective.

That's about all, we'll be skipping the weather report(the convo that is) for this session, next up the news at 0.

Jesus Doesn't want Me for a Sunbeam Lyrics

Jesus don't want me for a sunbeam. 'Cause sunbeams are not made like me.
Don't expect me to cry for all the reasons you had to die. Don't ever ask your
love of me.

Don't expect me to cry.
Don't expect me to lie.
Don't expect me to die for thee.

Jesus don't want me for a sunbeam. 'Cause sunbeams are not made like me.
Don't expect me to cry for all the reasons you had to die. Don't ever ask your
love of me.

Don't expect me to cry.
Don't expect me to lie.
Don't expect me to die for thee.

Jesus don't want me for a sunbeam. 'Cause sunbeams are not made like me.
Don't expect me to cry for all the reasons you had to die. Don't ever ask your
love of me.

Don't expect me to cry.
Don't expect me to lie.
Don't expect me to die.
Don't expect me to cry.
Don't expect me to lie.
Don't expect me to die for thee.

Sometimes a great notion

Yes it's true I made a scary reference in the title itself. 'Sometimes a Great Notion' is a novel by Ken Kesey, the same guy who wrote One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Now the scary part of the reference is that it refers to an american folk song “Goodnight, Irene” which has a line in it that goes -

Sometimes I live in the country
Sometimes I live in the town
Sometimes I get a great notion
To jump into the river an’ drown

However, just to be on the safe side - no, I'm not contemplating suicide nor am I going all goth and emo on you. I just liked the name. Sometimes I' get a great notion. I forget it immediately scared of its significance.

Any ways I'd spent the whole of last month doing nothing. Went home, had an awesome time, home is always awesome and I guess it ranks above just about everything else so it's off the scale as well. Got back in touch with people I hadn't seen in a long time - another really wonderful thing. Went to visit friends on new years, well okay, not exactly. I'd gone for work - presenting stuff, getting money from the powers that be, conning the corporates into doing the boring bits ... the usual. The December trips were rather nice - a change from the usual grind.

Went to the crosswords there, while being corporate, it turned out to be totally useless. Spent four days in an office in T-shirt and Jeans while every one else was in relatively more formal clothes, 'twas silly of them to be like that. Spent new years with friends, which was a lot more fun than it would have been back here. The best part was being with Asthana, Karry, Neta - I've not felt so free and able to be me in a long time, it was like being back in college or home or something. I was me again, no superficial veneer, to be me in person and to be able to talk the way I do naturally and not have to 'tone myself down' for the benefit of people. It was liberating.

Then within a couple of days I went home again, the conference was there - and that was one of the best experiences I've had this year. Seeing as how the year just started, I'd be surprised to see you raise your eyebrow at that statement, but it's true. In fact since my last to last post in Nov. 2008, it would have been the best experience (notice the whole disregard all trips to home clarifier made earlier). That, that post was prompted by something that made me feel good for a day and this made me feel good for about three days, should give an example of how much fun it was. I did in fact hog my self on dessert, I did in fact ingnore the very pained look that the people who were serving us gave me, and their raised eyebrows. I realised that being shameless has it's advantages in highbrow places - you get to have more fun. The presentation went of rather well, I missed out on some serious drama cause I was rehearsing for my presentation but I got to hear all about it later on. I guess I should clarify, I'm not sure that my presentation went off well because I was on autopilot. I switched off, started talking and only regained consciousness around the end when some one asked me a couple of questions in that wonderfully incredulous voice. The questions were flattering along the lines of - "You did WHAT ?", "You seriously expect us to believe you did THAT ?", and "What in your opinion allowed you to do THAT ?". This coupled with getting to be home for three days made it all worth the travel.

Coming back was irritating, the train was four hours late. A friend of mine, a medico friend of mine to be more precise had asked me once - why and engineer ?. I guess saying something like I get to have fun works with most people, but those who end up doing the whole medicine line ? I guess they need a higher calling. "Doctors save lives, what on earth good does an engineer do ?", Now a question like that can only be answered with wit, intelligence and awesome. Not being all that of any - I just said something lame like you save lives, but we make lives worth saving and went off to sleep. However, recently I guess the fun just wasn't there any more, I couldn't sustain my self only on my work. That was scary. I had a fun weekend however, which seems to have taken care of whatever - mini-burnout, I'd suffered. One of the best weekends of the past three months. Yes, January seems to have been not only eventful but also rather awesome. I read these lines recently, it's a poem by tennyson it's called ulysses and these are the last six lines in it. I guess I can relate at times, feeling old and weary and tired does seem to be a positive feedback type situation.

Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are,--
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

As for new music, nothing that I would jump up and down at. So I leave you with Coheed and Cambria, 'Welcom Home', for those who don't get it when they listen to it - the song has been inspired by Led Zep's 'Kashmir', the riffs follow. I wish this was the one song I can play on the guitar rather than the Nirvana one I've posted below. I get the feeling that if I try now I'll fail miserably at playing any song at all.

Also I just got the collection of Harry Belafonte, tears of joy/sorrow, thy name is nostalgia. So a bonus lyrics post of 'Mama Look a Booboo'

Led Zepplin - Kashmir


Oh let the sun beat down upon my face, stars to fill my dream
I am a traveler of both time and space, to be where I have been
To sit with elders of the gentle race, this world has seldom seen
They talk of days for which they sit and wait and all will be revealed

Talk and song from tongues of lilting grace, whose sounds caress my ear
But not a word I heard could I relate, the story was quite clear
Oh, oh.

Oh, I been flying... mama, there aint no denyin
Ive been flying, aint no denyin, no denyin

All I see turns to brown, as the sun burns the ground
And my eyes fill with sand, as I scan this wasted land
Trying to find, trying to find where Ive been.

Oh, pilot of the storm who leaves no trace, like thoughts inside a dream
Heed the path that led me to that place, yellow desert stream
My shangri-la beneath the summer moon, I will return again
Sure as the dust that floats high and true, when movin through kashmir.

Oh, father of the four winds, fill my sails, across the sea of years
With no provision but an open face, along the straits of fear
Ohh.

When Im on, when Im on my way, yeah
When I see, when I see the way, you stay-yeah

Ooh, yeah-yeah, ooh, yeah-yeah, when Im down...
Ooh, yeah-yeah, ooh, yeah-yeah, well Im down, so down
Ooh, my baby, oooh, my baby, let me take you there

Let me take you there. let me take you there


---------------------------------------------------------------

Harry Belafonte - 'Mama Look a BooBoo'

I wonder why nobody don' like me?
Or is it de fact dat I'm ugly?
I wonder why nobody don' like me?
Or is it de fact dat I'm ugly?
     I leave my own-a house and go
     My children don't want me no mo'
     Bad talk inside de house dey bring
     And when I talk dey start to sing

cho: "Mama, look-a boo boo," dey shout;
     Dem mama tell dem, "Shut up you mout',
     Dat is you daddy." "Oh, no!
     My daddy can't be ugly so!"
     "Shut you mout', go away." "Mama look-a boo-boo dey."
     Ugh!
     "Shut you mout', go away."
     "Mama look-a boo-boo dey."

I couldn't even digest me supper
Due to de children's behavior
"John!" "Yes, pa!" "Come here for a moment,
Bring de belt, you're much too impudent."
     John says it's James who started first
     James tells the story in reverse
     I drag me belt from off me waist
     You should hear dem screaming all round de place

So I began to question de motha'
"Dese children ain't got no behavior!"
So I began to question de motha'
"Dese children ain't got no behavior!"
     "Dey're playin' wit' you," my wife declare
     "You should be proud of dem, my dear"
     Dese children were taught too bloomin' slack
     Dat ain't no kind of joke to crack

What they say

You know what they say about no risk no reward. Well that's stupid. There are somethings that are crucial, you don't take risks with them. People in the know, know what I'll be referring to what it is that I consider to be crucial to me. Now, there is something stupider than no risk no reward, that is taking the risk for a pointless reason for something which is that crucial. Here comes the cherry on top of it all, taking it when you rationally realise what is happening and still don't do anything about it - that is the biggest idiocy of them all.

That's what I just did. Now, off to sulk in my own solitude.

In The Waiting Line

Wait in line
'Till your time
Ticking clock
Everyone stop

Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me

Woooohh
Do you believe
In what you see
There doesn't seem to be anybody else who agrees with me

Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe in
What you see

Nine to five
Living lies
Everyday
Stealing time
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can

Woooohh
Do you believe
In what you feel
It doesn't seem to be anybody else who agrees with me

Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe
In what you see

Ah and I'll shout and I'll scream
But I'd rather not be seen
And I'll hide away for another day

Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe
In what you see

Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Different things to me
Different things to me
Different things to me
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can

So you think you can

Well, not exactly dance ? but closer to remain amoral. I did something today, it helped me. I also in a way did something that was ethically - incorrect.

It helped me though, it helped me a lot. Saying it out aloud is just one way to gain redemption, to be able to continue being amoral.

Still I'm Sad

See the stars come joining down from the sky
Gently passing they kiss your tears when you cry
See the wind the summer blow your hair upon your head
See the rain, the falling rain, it's great
Still I'm sad

All my sounds my tears just fall into days
They are driving the night will find they are lost
Now I found the wind is blowing time into my heart
When the wind blows hard we are apart
Still I'm sad

See the stars come joining down from the sky
Gently passing they kiss your tears when you cry
See the wind the summer blow your hair upon your head
See the rain, the falling rain, it's great
Still I'm sad

Still I'm sad
Oh heart, I'm sad
Still I'm sad
Oh heart, I'm sad

Speaking of benchmarks

Well episode 13 season 4 of scrubs was interesting, the most interesting thing in it however was the statement that JD made - "You're the one who is supposed to struggle, not me", hmm why does that sound familiar to me. It seems interesting to me that those of us who work on performance of systems don't worry too much with respect to our own performance ? How do you benchmark a human being ? when do you start thinking that a human being is obsolete and should be left to the pasture - whether he is 21 or 89. I've been told that these thoughts are 'an emotional trap', 'ego problems' and 'crazy talk'. Maybe we all really should be made to watch scrubs, just to get life lessons from it.

On the subject of benchmarks I have a couple of the more - 'gooey' things in life - those things that can't be defined with quantitative numbers. This is garaunteed to satisfy that itch to arrange, sort, serialise and stack. I present the 'Harry Potter' bench mark for fantasy novels. When you haven't read it but have read one of the harry potter series do as follows - take two books you read that the person whom you are talking to has also read. Now ask him/her (Let's stick to him for convinience) to rate the books you spoke of with respect to the harry potter series compare where you've put them with where he's put them. Now do the same for the book being refered to you. This lets you judge a couple of things, do your tastes match his, and how much weightage should the book be given. The second benchmark is for relating to a person how well an author has done with the book. Take the book - distill it into it's basic essence that is create a rough outline of the universe created by him. Now, think of what the most awesome things you could have done with respect to the same universe, now modify the universe slightly and do the same thing, do it a couple of times. Grade all the changes you made now go tell the idea to a person who has roughly the same taste as per the harry potter benchmark as you, ask them to grade it on the harry potter bench mark. Do not insert any bias at all and do the same with all the iterations you had. If you start scoring below harry potter as your number of changes increase, then place the idea above harry potter. If the increasing modifications doesn't have any correlation to the position in the benchmark put it along side harry potter, and if it decreases then put it below harry potter. We call this it iterative variant of the harry potter benchmark.

We also present here some ideas on the anime. The basic underlying point of some successfull (pop culture not rabid-anime-fan-escaflowne-is-godlike-or-I-kill-you-variety) 'collecting items'. That's right, I've revealed the basis of almost every successfull anime here - you need to collect stuff. Alright, so I've made an oversimplification, the point is - during each episode you need a monster of the week type situation which ties in well with the over all story line. There are very few ways of doing this in a formuliac manner - the simplest is to collect stuff. Take Bleach for example - you collect new zanpaktu's - not literally of course, but each week or couple of weeks you get to see a new type of sword with new powers and a new cool name and a new cool 'slogan' associated with it. This means that each week you get that craving to find out what happens this week, they feed you as little as they can get away with, and then drag it on untill next week. A benchmark for anime has not been fully developed, the use of bleach and naruto instead of harry potter is suggested, naruto seems to be a more popular option. Note that manga and anime both may be benchmarked the same way.

Now I've spent some time listening to Norah Jones, I think people should. Her voice is incredibly awesome, and the piano suits it well. So here is a song that I like a lot.

Norah Jones - Don't Know Why I Didn't Come

I waited 'til I saw the sun
I don't know why I didn't come
I left you by the house of fun
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come

When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching tear drops in my hand

My heart is drenched in wine
You'll be on my mind
Forever

Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstasy
But I'll be a bag of bones
Driving down the road alone

My heart is drenched in wine
You'll be on my mind
Forever

Something has to make you run
I don't know why I didn't come
I feel as empty as a drum
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come

Arise now, as a true academic.

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Use only the recommended fonts: Times, Times Roman, Times New Roman, and
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Sinc wave Sine Wave controversy

This is to help those poor souls who still end up on the wrong page despite my previous post go to the end of this post you'll find your sine and sinc explanation there. Since I used to turn to the internet for information while I had to deal with sines and sincs I'll help them out. Turns out search engine optimization is tougher than I thought, but this should nail it. I have the search terms in the title, and shall be referring to them once again in the body.

Now for the math. People interested in Sine and Sinc waves, or Sinc and Sine waves look no further a short summary is given below.

sin(pi*x)/(pi*x) can be called a sinc(x) wave, and from what I remember it is the result of a fourrier transform on a square wave. wider the square wave the sharper the sinc, the thinner the square the wider the sinc.

Like I'd said in my previous post- remember always - time frequency duality. That means that what looks like something (say X) in the time domain can look like something else (say Y) in the frequency domain. What is interesting is that if you have the shape Y in the time domain it will look like X in the frequency domain. I had a project I'd made that converted images to sound via their frequency a little more complex than I'd like, done in matlab though so shouldn't be a problem to most to make something similar the reason for using frequency - we know that the human eye has a range as does the human ear create a map for the extreme ends map to frequency take inverse fourrier voila - sound. Any one wonder what a picasso sounds like ?

Mada Mada Dane

To those of you who don't know what this means - boo. Well no, it means "You've still got a long way to go", like a taunt of sorts in japanese. The mada mada part is what makes it that - one mada is good, two mada's is bad ahh well what can you expect from a language with over 12 degrees of politeness (not to diss the language at all), atleast that's what harsha says.

A lot of the guys have left, in fact most have. I am surprised at how some feel they haven't coped too well and are lonely while others seem to be having a blast. Don't know. This post has been some time in coming, so I think I'll split it accross several closely spaced posts. For those that don't know - my lappy stopped working quite recently so I'm still kind of upset, send money and chocolates (and new laptops) to get me in a better mood. Ok, so now updates of a less morbid variety for those who want music I'd suggest muse if you haven't already tried it "Apocolypse please", "Stockholme syndrome" and "Assassin" being favorites untill my lappy breathed it's dying gasps. The Angra cover for Led Zep's Kashmir is of course also very very awesome. Kittie is good - but not all just some, especially those with the overlaid melodic with guttarals. Coheed and Cambria for those getting started is also pretty nice, but you need to stick with them a little, start with "Welcome Home", which is awesome.

While on the way from Home to work, which in case you didn't know of, I had gone home for about a month or so - mid June to mid July, I met this interesting auto guy. Now this is what he tells me and I repeat it as best I remember it. The secret to good health is to get up at 5 in the morning, drink water from a silver (or was it copper I forget, take silver - scientifically proven) thi s water should have been used for the germination of 'desi chana', not any other kind. Then excercise till about 6 or so, then work drink ganna juice around 12:00 or so. Have a light lunch drink not more than two cups of tea a day, do not induldge in anything excessively - don't do too much muscle building otherwise you'll regret it. Yes, and sleep at 1 or so that means about 4 hours of sleep a day not more, no chance. These tidbits of wisdom cost me about 30 Rs. extra - but then who am I to complain if the elixir to eternal life costs that much, it could easily be a lot more. Then is the people who I live around, that's for the next post though, their sense of morality is rather entertaining. Till then read the webcomic abstruse goose, XKCD-ish with more science and less tech.

I also realised a lot of people seem to get this page when they search for sinc waves and sine waves. People sin(pi*x)/(pi*x) can be called a sinc(x) wave, and from what I remember it is the result of a fourrier transform on a square wave. wider the square wave the sharper the sinc, the thinner the square the wider the sinc - remember always - time frequency duality.

Now that the lesson for the day is over we move onto the much awaited lyrics section.

Muse - Assassin

War is overdue
The time has come for you
To shoot your leaders down
Join forces underground

Lose control
With increasing pace
Warped and bewitched
Intend to erase
Whatever they say
These people out torn
A wild and bereft
Assassin is born (yeah)

Aim, shoot, kill your leaders,
Aim, shoot, kill...

Oppose and disagree
Destroy Demonocracy

Lose control
With increasing pace
Warped and bewitched
Intend to erase
Whatever they say
These people out torn
A wild and bereft
Assassin is born (yeah)
[Aim, Shoot, Kill...]

The guesstimator.

It has been some time since I last posted. Been busy with the papers of course, however I have been lazy as well as expeceted. I have of course just as every one already has - downloaded firefox 3 it's good, exactly what I need for a new browser the memory footprint is down with a little set of tweaks, it's as fast as required and it has all the eye candy any one needs . Sai has been obsessing over some pathetic twitter posts and blog or the other. As expected my contact with the others has been reduced, conversations on the net trickled down to a few lines a week - at best.

It seems as though there isn't much to write, there is of course, but nothing has been collated. I have been watching some TV series, some comedy central stuff there is a kid Demetri Martin he's rather good. Then there is George Carlin he's a little profane but otherwise insightful. On the whole a not very productive but also not unproductive week. The papers are coming along fine by the way. Music has started getting to be repetitive back to Rob Zombie I guess, although Fuel seems to be good as well, need some time off before I get back in the mood for TOOL. I got introduced to Muse - decent music progressive rock Coheed and Cambria are better but then they are different, Flower Kings and King Crimson are closer in style to them Super Massive Black Hole seems to be a decent song.

Fuel - Quater.

I know I'm dead before my time
I know It's coming down
If you could only see what's right
You'd see what's coming 'round

[Chorus:]
So I walk Alone
I ask no quarter friend
I walk alone
Til I find you again

I know no place to call my bed
But I know this thorny crown
If you would only feed your head
You'd see your hands are bound

[Chorus]