Have you ever beat up anyone with just your bare hands ?

I havent, atleast not beaten any one up. I have hurt people, I have caused pain, excruciating amounts of pain. But I have never actually punched people in the face, not repeatedly not once, not at all. I have choked, twisted joints, jabbed and in general caused discomfort.

What I wonder is, is the fact that I never punched a person, does it make me a better human being ? after all, I have never punched a person. I mean that has to count for somthing right ?

hmmm, I was talking to T.S. it is interesting to do so, he has kind of unique views on lots of things, not so much on many others, and some that match mine. His statement that there is no such thing as free will, which he did try to prove via a thought experement and a series of well thought arguments did strike as being not just interesting but also provoking.

I just heard this line recently - "I love being alone, I just prefer being alone when there's other people around.", it was in this episode of 'Boston Legal'

This line was in this movie called Witness for the prosecutions, "He is a drowning man grasping at razor blades"

And this one is ofcourse from the Metallica song no leaf clover:- "So it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of the tunnel was jsut a freight train coming your way"

I had more to write it's just that I forgot what I wanted to write. So more next time I guess.

Interesting experements in sleep deprivation. It seems that if a student has too much cofee before the exam, the effects dont wear off untill his holidays are over untill and unless there is another exam within a time of T, in which case he will need another cup of coffee within T/4 of finishing this one.


I have come to the realisation that my posts have kind of been catering to the lowest common denominator, I see connections that I feel are awesome, patterns that I think are hilarious, but don't mention them because I feel no one else can. Pride does come before the fall, hopefull this gentle self motivated descent shall not hurt too much. From now on, I will make the obscure references that I wish to, not bothering about who/what/eh? will read this. The signal after all is free and nothing should stop it (in case you didn't get it that was refrence number 1).

Did I mention I just hacked a site, all on my own, I got this idea that maybe an SQL injection would work, tested it out in the most painless manner possible and then omg!!! access. No, I am not publishing details, anonymous remailers have been used along with the Tor service (to which I am much indebted, at the moment) explaining to them their vulnerbility.

The following is an attempt at writing a morbid lyrical poem, using quotes I remember, so realise that the phrases are not mine just the ordering and other such "Aesthetics". Can I wonder though, the phrase morbid lyrical be used in any context other than wiered doom metal, or awesome goth music ?

....

Everyone hides who they are
I can't help it. I kill things.


Beneath the surface,
I see pain.
even understand pain.
I just can't feel pain

Blood sets my teeth on edge.
Blood is my life,
Blood controls the chaos.
Pulsates in me like in you.

preparation is vital.
No detail trivial
and the ritual intoxicating.
The rush I feel,
The shadow takes over.

I can't kill yet.
I'm drifting.
I finally get a chance
to kill and I can't do it
I need another therapy session.

My mask is slipping.
my dark passenger
loses control, becomes powerless,
and I lose it all.
If I had a heart,
It might be breaking.

Ahh, finally
no cliched darkness,
no cliched chill,
only what I craved.
The sweet release
of dopamine, as I die.

....

urgh!!! too surreal, lets see stuff about it though, and I swear these are all quotes from a TV show, with some minor modifications (I removed 'I', added a comma, broke it up etc. Minor and cosmetic changes only) Ok the first stanza starts with a B, there are four lines the last three end with pain. The second one starts with a Blood in the first three, and the final line starts with a P. The next stanza is 5 lines, so is the next one. The final two are 6 lines each. Did I mention that I drew out the whole death thing dilabrately (yes there was no mention of dopamine that was my line). There was this quote in 'House' though, about why he cut himself so that it released endorphins and dopamine and some such.

Listen to 'Welcome Home', by Coheed and Cambria, then listen to Led Zep's Kashmir, the riffs sound so similar that I'm sure the coheed and cambria thing is the same as the kashmir riff with only the spacing between successive sounds being different. I would say this is one of the greatest tributes these guys could pay to Led Zep, well apart from stating the Led Zep is the greatest of course. I like the concept they have with their albums in Coheed and Cambria.

hmm.. these are some of the about me's I was hoping to find on Orkut but didn't and some that I did.

Surreal

Oh look at me everybody I like to reveal my entire character to total strangers.....not.
About the religion part:
I'm neither catholic nor agnostic.I'm not an atheist either.God and I are just taking a break from each other.

dirty football studs. rusty old guitar. time travel paradoxes. passive smoking. cold water showers. bad hair days. chicken burger. with extra cheese.... yeah!!!
____________________________

Little secrets, tremors... turned to quake...
The smallest oceans still get... big, big waves...

hmm... these are some of them, there were funny ones, cool ones etc. Don't feel like doing this now. Does it matter ?

In case some one was interested I think the 15th or the 14th one of the two was blog activism day. My sentiments on this were best expressed by CmdrTaco at slashdot, and thus I'm using his quote.

You can almost hear the sound of the vacuum created by bloggers thinking that their words matter when the people with control don't even know how to read the tubes. Lick a stamp or march- that's harder to ignore.

Ok this has been some time in the coming now. There isnt much that I have to say though, can't for the life of me beleive that people actually read this. Life in college is dull as ussual or is it ? dunno, people have been winning stiff, I am getting some kind of stuff done, I have way too many projects on hand, not enough enthu it seems. I want to go home now, but home has changed, does it matter ? no not really but still .. it has changed and what was once home no longer is.

I wonder at the lack of blog posts made by my batch mates nowadays, after all my seniors did seem to keep theirs a lot more up to date, then again I cant complain, I post on slashdot than I do here. I wonder if I should continue this however, mostly because I dont like this whole - "opening my self up to the world" nonsense. I hate having my photos taken, and yet lament at the lack of photos containing me, its wiered. I am a hypocrite, and I personally hate everyone who believes they arent, everyone is a hyppocite they just refuse to admit it, kind of making the crime worse.

Social networking sites are a new interest, it is indeed possible to watch people interact there and be entertained for atleast one day. That ofcourse requires that you have a like minded friend with you, so that you can discuss how lame some people are (those that have written their life stories on line), and how cool some people are (this one girl has actually heard lacuna coil - how cool is that ).

Lets see, we have covered a random set of topics I have ranted about my likes and dislikes and ermmm... I dont know what else to do. So what I do now is insert this poem/song/whatever and distract you while I come up with somthing else to write.

......

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

......


I am supposed to be working at the moment, some spice thing or the other, its no fun do I want to be doing this for the rest of my life ?

do you think that I am opening my self up here on the net, do you think that anonimity grants me that much false confidence. I dont know may be all of this is elaborately engineered to look as though I am opening up, maybe I am actually opening up does it matter ? Just beacuase I realise that the matrix exists doesnt mean I'll take the red pill - or does it ?