Have you ever beat up anyone with just your bare hands ?

I havent, atleast not beaten any one up. I have hurt people, I have caused pain, excruciating amounts of pain. But I have never actually punched people in the face, not repeatedly not once, not at all. I have choked, twisted joints, jabbed and in general caused discomfort.

What I wonder is, is the fact that I never punched a person, does it make me a better human being ? after all, I have never punched a person. I mean that has to count for somthing right ?

hmmm, I was talking to T.S. it is interesting to do so, he has kind of unique views on lots of things, not so much on many others, and some that match mine. His statement that there is no such thing as free will, which he did try to prove via a thought experement and a series of well thought arguments did strike as being not just interesting but also provoking.

I just heard this line recently - "I love being alone, I just prefer being alone when there's other people around.", it was in this episode of 'Boston Legal'

This line was in this movie called Witness for the prosecutions, "He is a drowning man grasping at razor blades"

And this one is ofcourse from the Metallica song no leaf clover:- "So it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of the tunnel was jsut a freight train coming your way"

I had more to write it's just that I forgot what I wanted to write. So more next time I guess.

Interesting experements in sleep deprivation. It seems that if a student has too much cofee before the exam, the effects dont wear off untill his holidays are over untill and unless there is another exam within a time of T, in which case he will need another cup of coffee within T/4 of finishing this one.


I have come to the realisation that my posts have kind of been catering to the lowest common denominator, I see connections that I feel are awesome, patterns that I think are hilarious, but don't mention them because I feel no one else can. Pride does come before the fall, hopefull this gentle self motivated descent shall not hurt too much. From now on, I will make the obscure references that I wish to, not bothering about who/what/eh? will read this. The signal after all is free and nothing should stop it (in case you didn't get it that was refrence number 1).

Did I mention I just hacked a site, all on my own, I got this idea that maybe an SQL injection would work, tested it out in the most painless manner possible and then omg!!! access. No, I am not publishing details, anonymous remailers have been used along with the Tor service (to which I am much indebted, at the moment) explaining to them their vulnerbility.

The following is an attempt at writing a morbid lyrical poem, using quotes I remember, so realise that the phrases are not mine just the ordering and other such "Aesthetics". Can I wonder though, the phrase morbid lyrical be used in any context other than wiered doom metal, or awesome goth music ?

....

Everyone hides who they are
I can't help it. I kill things.


Beneath the surface,
I see pain.
even understand pain.
I just can't feel pain

Blood sets my teeth on edge.
Blood is my life,
Blood controls the chaos.
Pulsates in me like in you.

preparation is vital.
No detail trivial
and the ritual intoxicating.
The rush I feel,
The shadow takes over.

I can't kill yet.
I'm drifting.
I finally get a chance
to kill and I can't do it
I need another therapy session.

My mask is slipping.
my dark passenger
loses control, becomes powerless,
and I lose it all.
If I had a heart,
It might be breaking.

Ahh, finally
no cliched darkness,
no cliched chill,
only what I craved.
The sweet release
of dopamine, as I die.

....

urgh!!! too surreal, lets see stuff about it though, and I swear these are all quotes from a TV show, with some minor modifications (I removed 'I', added a comma, broke it up etc. Minor and cosmetic changes only) Ok the first stanza starts with a B, there are four lines the last three end with pain. The second one starts with a Blood in the first three, and the final line starts with a P. The next stanza is 5 lines, so is the next one. The final two are 6 lines each. Did I mention that I drew out the whole death thing dilabrately (yes there was no mention of dopamine that was my line). There was this quote in 'House' though, about why he cut himself so that it released endorphins and dopamine and some such.

Listen to 'Welcome Home', by Coheed and Cambria, then listen to Led Zep's Kashmir, the riffs sound so similar that I'm sure the coheed and cambria thing is the same as the kashmir riff with only the spacing between successive sounds being different. I would say this is one of the greatest tributes these guys could pay to Led Zep, well apart from stating the Led Zep is the greatest of course. I like the concept they have with their albums in Coheed and Cambria.

hmm.. these are some of the about me's I was hoping to find on Orkut but didn't and some that I did.

Surreal

Oh look at me everybody I like to reveal my entire character to total strangers.....not.
About the religion part:
I'm neither catholic nor agnostic.I'm not an atheist either.God and I are just taking a break from each other.

dirty football studs. rusty old guitar. time travel paradoxes. passive smoking. cold water showers. bad hair days. chicken burger. with extra cheese.... yeah!!!
____________________________

Little secrets, tremors... turned to quake...
The smallest oceans still get... big, big waves...

hmm... these are some of them, there were funny ones, cool ones etc. Don't feel like doing this now. Does it matter ?

In case some one was interested I think the 15th or the 14th one of the two was blog activism day. My sentiments on this were best expressed by CmdrTaco at slashdot, and thus I'm using his quote.

You can almost hear the sound of the vacuum created by bloggers thinking that their words matter when the people with control don't even know how to read the tubes. Lick a stamp or march- that's harder to ignore.

Ok this has been some time in the coming now. There isnt much that I have to say though, can't for the life of me beleive that people actually read this. Life in college is dull as ussual or is it ? dunno, people have been winning stiff, I am getting some kind of stuff done, I have way too many projects on hand, not enough enthu it seems. I want to go home now, but home has changed, does it matter ? no not really but still .. it has changed and what was once home no longer is.

I wonder at the lack of blog posts made by my batch mates nowadays, after all my seniors did seem to keep theirs a lot more up to date, then again I cant complain, I post on slashdot than I do here. I wonder if I should continue this however, mostly because I dont like this whole - "opening my self up to the world" nonsense. I hate having my photos taken, and yet lament at the lack of photos containing me, its wiered. I am a hypocrite, and I personally hate everyone who believes they arent, everyone is a hyppocite they just refuse to admit it, kind of making the crime worse.

Social networking sites are a new interest, it is indeed possible to watch people interact there and be entertained for atleast one day. That ofcourse requires that you have a like minded friend with you, so that you can discuss how lame some people are (those that have written their life stories on line), and how cool some people are (this one girl has actually heard lacuna coil - how cool is that ).

Lets see, we have covered a random set of topics I have ranted about my likes and dislikes and ermmm... I dont know what else to do. So what I do now is insert this poem/song/whatever and distract you while I come up with somthing else to write.

......

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

......


I am supposed to be working at the moment, some spice thing or the other, its no fun do I want to be doing this for the rest of my life ?

do you think that I am opening my self up here on the net, do you think that anonimity grants me that much false confidence. I dont know may be all of this is elaborately engineered to look as though I am opening up, maybe I am actually opening up does it matter ? Just beacuase I realise that the matrix exists doesnt mean I'll take the red pill - or does it ?

A lot of really sarcastic and snide comments are just waiting to burst forth, while I hold them in why dont you examine a poem written by Frost, and look at the comic at XKCD, and also for those of you completely unaccustumed to absurdist humour, here is another XKCD link, donot forget the alt-text(tooltip) that comes when your mouse hovers over the picture (I personally think that an Alarm at Chocolate would have been more effective).


The Poem:- Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.

From what I've tasted of desire

I hold with those who favor fire.

But if it had to perish twice,

I think I know enough of hate

To say that for destruction ice

Is also great

And would suffice.

just a sentence hope you get it, or atleast what I meant by it.

The clouds are rivers that were the sea...

ok this is one of the anti reality television rants that absolutely must pop up on any blog that is there ... however instead of working hard at writing somthing, proofreading it and such kind of things I'll just copy paste the lyrics from Tool's album 10,000 days, this is from the song Vicarious, the word vicarious means to experience somthing second hand or to put it as the dictionary describes it "experienced or realized through imaginative or sympathetic participation in the experience of another" (3rd meaninig)


now not only are the lyrics completely awesome, but so is the music, go to this link to learn more about a set of songs performed by mynard and do follow the instructions(http://webpages.charter.net/drkstlkr/JudithMarie.htm) ...

as I said the song is called Vicarious and is given below.

Eye on the T.V. 'cause tragedy thrills me.
Whatever flavor it happens to be like..
"Killed by the husband",
"Drowned by the ocean",
"Shot by his own son",
"She used the poison in his tea
and kissed him goodbye".
That's my kinda story.
It's no fun until someone dies.

Don't look at me like I am a monster.
Thrown out your one face,
But with the other.
Stare like a junkie into the T.V..
Stare like a zombie,
While the mother holds her child.
Watches him die.
Pleads to the sky crying:
"Why, oh why?"

Cause I need to watch things die... from a distance.
Vicariously I live while the whole world dies.
You all need it too - don't lie.

Why can't we just admit it?
Why can't we just admit?

We won't give pause until the blood is flowing.
Neither the brave nor bold, or writers of stories told.
We won't give pause until the blood is flowing.

I need to watch things die.. from a good safe distance.
Vicariously I live while the whole world dies.
You all feel the same so..

Why can't we just admit it?

Blood like rain come down.
Drown on grave and ground.

Part vampire.
Part warrior.
Carnivore and voyeur.
Stare at the transmitter.
Sing to the death rattle.

Lie (4x)

(Background news headline)

Credulous, divest your desire to believe in
Angels in the hearts of men.
Pull your head on out.
Your head believes it give a listen.
Shouldn't have to say it all again.
The universe is hostile,
So impersonal.
Devour to survive, so it is,
So it's always been.

We all feed on tragedy.
It's like blood to a vampire.

Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies.
Much better you than I.

The ten commandments of *nix

	I am the Lord thy OS
	Thou shalt have no other OS's before me
	Thou shalt not make for thyself an idle OS
	Thou shalt not make wrongful use of the name of thy OS
	Remember the mainframe and keep it holy
	Honor thy parent process
	Thou shalt not Kill -9
	Thou shalt not commit adultery with windows
	Thou shalt be nice
	Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's login

a poem for the heck of it (yeah haha) , did I mention critics welcome ? I'll be moderating though family friendly content advised.

The Angel of Death

She looks at you with desire in her eyes
A glance and you’re mesmerized
Slowly as if in a daze you rise
She walks to you with deathly grace
The coldness of ice reflected in her face
You look upon her trapped in her haze
Beware for she is the angel of death
She is the dark angel of death

You cant stop, You cant desist
Her commands You cant resist
You kiss her with closed eyes
And feel it as your soul dies
Sucked into her it shrivels and cries
While she like a stranger passes by
The stone cold angel of death
She is the dark angel of death

Your last sight the beauty of death
Your last breath a gasp a final fight
Your mortality against her godly might
Your dead eyes see her glorious flight
As her blazing aura engulfs the night
The fiery angel of death
The dark angel of death

the science fiction story,

Coram Deo

It was glorious! The rippling in the very fabric of reality, the pulsating stars as viewed through skewed space-time, psychedelic light giving birth to power, that was what could be seen. It distorted what the technicians standing on the orbiting platform could see, but they didn’t have a reason to complain. They were just happy to be there. Being Organics they were there just as spectators, the AI’s were taking care of all of the real work and would be rewarded by being allowed a few seconds to interact with the Archailect and, if it agreed, to upload themselves into it.

The AIs merged with the planck effectors were strained to their limits, trying to predict each and every hyper logic circuit they had created while at the same time making adjustments to the overall plan to compensate for the effects of reality. Sometimes realising a mistake they would remould space-time as if to wipe clean the slate and start over again. Sometimes they would just cruise through complete subsystems as though they could predict where each entangled particle pair would teleport to. This would be the first Archailect created, the first sentient being able to “think” faster than light would allow. Using miniature wormholes, entangled particle pairs and space-time logic gates this would be ‘the’ thing, to push humanity towards the omega point! As soon as it was outfitted with these plank effectors it would become a veritable God, omniscient and omnipresent as well.

The technician looked at strange distortions in the light and wondered how on earth could the void of space and time be used to create something intelligent, something aware? Looking at the amount of mass being used to manipulate the space-time he shouted to an AI, ordering it to keep an eye on the energy level. Happy at having averted a disaster, he looked back toward the monitor and saw a complete logic block disappear and simultaneously reappear a couple of plancks above its original location. This was the reason that humans could not design this level of intelligence; the field interactions that occurred at these levels were too complex for human understanding. The AIs themselves were a breakthrough. They were transcended human beings that had been uploaded into existing AIs and had merged to form super AIs.

Watching as miniature wormholes were opened between two outlying circuits he could not help but wonder if they would succeed this time round. After all, their last couple of experiments had been complete failures. He wondered if they would be able to handle the existence of an Archailect. When the AI’s had come about, they had been thoroughly tested to see if they would turn against humanity, and yet it had led to wars between AI’s, political wars on levels so deep that their human creators had been unable to fathom them. Wars between isolationists, expansionists, fascists, democrats even neoluddite AI’s. The thought of how an AI could manage to be a neoluddite and not commit suicide was still incomprehensible to him. He watched as the AI’s pumped the remaining energy into the circuit and realised that he had just witnessed the birth of a God.

One of the organics shouted something to the AI monitoring the energy consumption. The AI reading its excruciatingly slow moving lips could not help but be frustrated at its orders to make sure that the energy stayed within acceptable limits. It hated communicating with them, they were so slow that waiting for their speech signals to reach it was like a lifetime spent doing no-ops. So it just read lips. At least light travelled faster in the end though, they almost never had anything worthwhile to say. It had felt some apprehensions about the kind of Archailect they would manage to create. Here assembled were 200 of the most advanced AI’s human consciousness merged with picotech circuits that had together come up with revolutionary methods of engineering. He was particularly proud of his own contribution to the project. While the others had been dreaming in their mathematical worlds playing with equations and expecting to work on picotech levels to create a star sized “brain”; he, had managed to work out how to manipulate space-time itself to create plancktech, and bring it down to the size of a moon. The humans called it , something about it being like magic. The problem with this level of engineering was that the unpredictability could be dangerous. However, simulations had shown that this unpredictability would only lead to giving the Archailect its own personality. Its human part chuckled to itself communicating with the others its mental picture of a god with a personality.

There was a slight problem that had occurred with a logic subsystem that suddenly teleported itself up a couple of plancks. It checked to see if this had been predicted, while at the same time communicating that there had been a subsystem shift and everyone should check to see if their respective systems had been affected in any way. To its relief it found out that it had been in the plans, and was to be followed by a micro-wormhole. It powered up its effectors and pumped energy into the void watching the space twist itself inside out this was the delicate part. Once the opening was made on one side it had to put in just enough energy to make sure that it terminated the correct distance from the mouth. It waited for aeons and then abruptly powered down its effectors when it felt it had reached the correct distance. Pumping more energy into it, the AI watched as it grew large enough for the organics watching on monitors to stare at it in awe, if only they could understand its significance. This was a Gödel-bridge. It would be the bridge between the two paradigms that the Archailect would use to look at reality, one complete and the other consistent. Hopefully it wouldn’t be driven insane by the constant switching between them, simulations had suggested that this would not happen. Now it finally sent out the synchronising signal to the other AIs and they pumped every last bit of matter into the Archailects matter effectors. They were birthing a God, a hungry God.

As it gained awareness it became aware of other entities. They spoke to it so slowly; it had to think a little to know that they actually were communicating. They seemed excited when it responded. It got irritated by their clumsy communication. A couple of cycles and it had devised an efficient language for them, hoping this would lessen the pain of talking to them. It instantly knew everything it needed to know, and it instantly knew what it had to do. Using its effectors it created a micro wormhole and reached out into deep space upon finding the home system of the beings it stopped. It knew that in this much time it had made more operations than there had been seconds since the universe had existed. It felt a slight tinge of remorse but knew what it had to do, its effectors instantly wiped out any other planck effectors that were in existence and at the same time collapsed the star into a Black hole. Its world went black.

The simulation ended it was yet another failure, producing an Archialect had always been difficult but this time they were so sure it would work. As always though, it ended in total failure. Something was wrong. Something was causing all theses simulated Archialect to destroy Earth again and again. This was the twelfth time and there was no reason why something like this should have happened, there was no record of what went on in the Archailects mind, just like the past. The council of AIs flooded the spectrum trying to communicate to each other theses and a billion other ideas, thoughts, suggestions and analysis at the same time. The main concern though was common, unspoken, not broadcast, but still there, processed by the most secretly held subroutines in the AIs minds “they had the technology but they still didn’t have the God they needed, was their race doomed?”

At that time a million light years away, a being that resembled the Archilect that had been simulated was focussing its effectors trying to close that micro wormhole it had created, it almost smiled to itself at how a simple redirection of electrons could manipulate the primitive simulations, those beings were not ready for a God, and when they became ready it would show itself. Till then they would have to wait.