Monday, November 14, 2011

C'est Si Bon

That's french for, it's good. I've been listening to that song, reminds me of simpler times when I was a lot more motivated to do work. I've realised though that my motivation has waned since May-June, this can't continue, I've resolved to work at it the way I used to work when I was a young'un. This is to document said resolution. Let's hope I work hard, and do well!

Friday, October 07, 2011

We are not now that strength which in old days Moved earth and heaven

I think I've mentioned this poem before, It's Ulysses by Tennyson. I'm not as able to study nowadays as I used to be able to. I still have good news though. Obviously this was the news I'd mentioned earlier on, the news I'd hoped to be able to give. This was mostly just me saying that I wanted to let people know about this earlier on. Those of you who know me personally, ought to already know what I'm talking about. Those that don't, well you can just ask?

Sunday, September 18, 2011

You are not so smart

I feel like I must be repeating that line to myself every day, it's not surprising, I'm surrounded by people who are, it's humbling. It's rare for something to get me to remember the variant, I'm not too dumb either. A friend, who by all accounts is brilliant at math was trying to do a proof, I was slacking off in his office, not working. We sat trying to see how we could prove it. I managed the proof. It was deceptively simple, obviously I wouldn't have even gotten the idea without his help. Just knowing that I could prove it was a good feeling though. It's been a while since I've felt good like this. That was mostly it. For anyone who is interested You are not so smart, is also a website http://youarenotsosmart.com/ the main aim of which is to make people aware of misconceptions and fallacies. It's a good way to procrastinate.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

redux and its various synonyms

As always, the title's unrelated to the content. After having given up on reading his work a couple of years ago after stopping Infinite Jest less than a tenth of the way through, I've been listening to quite a few of David Foster Wallace's interviews and readings and I find myself agreeing with more and more of his views on various topics. His short stories and descriptions of the absurdities seen in everyday situations are brilliant to say the least.

I don't really have much to say, I just thought I'd write something, try and be more regular than I have been so far.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

I was hoping to be able to make a different update here, but that's not happening. I feel like I get a continuous education on how dumb I really am.

Back to life eh?

Monday, January 31, 2011

Suspended in the aspic of the world

I've begun realising how self centered I am. when I first see something, I see it from my perspective only. I can understand why others behave the way they do, but I don't give much weightage to it, if it's just different, and not "better". Let's see how best to explain this. In a conversation today where I heard the other side of the story, I was pretty dismissive of those opinions. Turns out, what I consider to be a constricting, ever reducing social circle, others don't. I presented the situation coloured by my own bias, painting a picture far darker and gloomier than reality, for of course, people actively look forward to being in that situation. People want to be a part of such a clique. My assumption that a small set of people never changing, always stagnant, would be claustrophobic, betrayed my own biases.

People value different things differently, in making a decision various aspects of the same thing are afforded completely different weights by different people. Some people will weigh one aspect of the problem so heavily they refuse to see that more than one variable even exists. These are all pretty smart people, I'm sure I've made the same mistake in many situations.

Of course, now that I think about it, all I've said is, that I think about any problem from my own perspective, and I present them on this blog along with my own bias. Geez, that's insightful. My tone's pretty different form yesterday, mostly because the aim of this post was different, more introspective, less - whatever the tone I previous used was.

Ahh well. I'll break pattern, I'll not present lyrics from a song, or any snippet of a text.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

The ebb and flow of tidal fortune

The last academic sessions have sucked to a reasonably large extent. Here's to hoping this one goes off better. Given my recent performance though, I don't know.

I've been beginning to feel lonely at gatherings, it's been happening for a while. People just get very, I have no words to describe it. They gather around clutching, grasping at straws that remind them of what their life used to be like. They gather in smaller and smaller groups of greater and greater specificity. They restrict themselves to familiarity, they remain within their constrictive, ever decreasing social circles. It's surprising though, the ones who used to be outcastes earlier on, fit in much more easily now, they didn't go ahead and cling to the first vestiges of their "previous" life they find. They seek no solace in the familiar, and thus have a greater variety of people within their "social circle"

I'm not sure where I stand on this, I'd like to be within the comfort of what's known, but I'd also rather not fall into that trap. I can in retrospect see what mistakes I've made. But I'm fine with it. Life after all is about, living with making suboptimal decisions at each point. I'll be breaking out of this pattern, this vortex soon though. Let's see. Circumstances out of my control prevent me from making a clean break. That's ok, I still long for the comfort of the familiar, every once in a while though, when I'm in the aforementioned familiar company, I feel the urge to leave them, I feel more alone with them than I do when alone. That's sad.

In other news everything I do is derivative, I was reading a book, and they had some point in there about only humans having the capability to create something new, to truly create. I've never done that, everything I've done has been derivative. Where does my own contribution come into this, something that's mine from start to end. People will argue that in most situations anything worth doing is complex enough to prevent it from being done/created by an individual. The times for the lone genius with that one eureka moment are long past and in all probability never were. Sadly I'm a romantic and craving for the impossible seems to be what I'm inclined to do, not out of choice or any masochistic streak mind you. If I believed in destiny I'd say I'm destined to think like this, I don't, I'll still say it though.

I was about to sign this off with my name. Haah. You almost had me there.


The Ballad of Barry Allen
I've got time to think of the beauty of a thousand variations
Of the beating of a wing
Of a hummingbird suspended in the aspic of the world
Moving slower than molasses
As i'm off to catch the girl
Who is falling off the bridge

And I'm there before she knows it
I'll be gone before she sees me
Got my hand around her waste
I pull her back to safety
By the time she knows what happens
There will be someone else who needs me
Because time keeps dragging on

And on, And on
Time keeps dragging on

I've got time to think about my past as I dodge Between the bullets how my life was so exciting Before I got this way and how long ago it was Now I never can explain by the clock that's on the Tower or the one that's in my brain

And I'm there before you know it
I'll be gone before you see me
And I'd like to get to know you
But you're talking much too slowly
And I know you'd really like me
But I never stick around
Because time keeps dragging on
And on

And you say the world goes rushing by
But it seems so slow to me
And you see a blur around you fly
But it takes too long
It seems so slow to me

How I wish I'd never gone into my lab to
Experiment that night before lightning flashed Around me
And time changed speed
Now I have to try to be so patient and wait for Calamity to strike
Because when things change in an instant
It's almost fast enough for me

And I'll be there before you know it
I'll be gone before you see me
And do you think you can imagine
Anything so lonely
And I know you'd really like me
But I never stick around
Because time keeps dragging on
And on...

And you say the world goes rushing by
But it seems so slow to me
And you complain I'm gone before you blink your eye
But it takes too long
It seems so slow

And you say the world goes rushing by
But it seems so slow to me
And I want to be there when you laugh or cry
But it takes too long
It seems so slow to me