Eons and infinity, are but a tomorrow away.

So I receive an email, it lies unread in my inbox, I lie sleeping in my room, late night, loads of work. I could say something along the lines of - is an email still received unless it's been read ? Or something more 'Zen', more 'wise' less like me, I won't, mostly cause I can't come up with someting 'wise'. More importantly it was at that time that I was woken up by a call on my cell. It was the professor whom I work for, he wanted to tell me a paper I'd written and presented was being invited for publication in a journal. The deadline ? - not enough for anything to actually be done, not enough could be added, that would make it worth a journal in my opinion.

The email is below -----


Dear Authors,

We are publishing extended versions of the highly rated papers presented at yyyy at the xxxx {a rather decent journal}

Since your following paper was among the top few accepted papers relevant to xxx, we would like to invite you to publish an extended version at xxx. Kindly let us know your decision. The submission is due {Some date is mentioned}.


Thanks again for your contribution to yyyy!



Program Co-Chairs, yyyy


-----------------

A day later I am told that the deadline is significantly later, I check, it's true we have enough time. I am now buzzing with excitement.

A random, completely unrelated song to celebrate this. Interestingly the paper if I've not already mentioned this - was my undergrad thesis, it resulted in an invite, yay me.

Dream Theater - New Millennium

A single star behind me
A red sky burns ahead
A lonely light below me
Awake among the dead
An overwhelming feeling
Leaves me numband strange
A sense of new beginning
I sense a wind of change

Out with the old useless
People so cold ruthless welcome
In a new millennium
How many times must i
Live out this nightmare i
Can't wait until a new millennium

I've got this feeling
The tide is turning now baby
Funny feeling everything's gonna be alright now

Living out a constant deja vu
Keep your head up
Please be patient we will get to you
Keep your head up
Just have some faith and you can see it
Through
Keep your head up
But faith don't pay the rent that's overdue
Keep your head up
All that's glittering is turning blue
Keep your head up
What they want from me ain't gotta clue
Keep your head up
Swallow pride before it swallows you
Keep your head up
Don't dare bite the hand that's starving you
Keep your head up

How can you keep your head
And not go insane when the only light at the end
Of the tunnel is another train

The lies ten feet tall
Have broken my fall
Welcome you all new millennium

It's well overdue and i can't wait to
Welcome in a new millennium
I've got this feeling
The tide is turning now baby
Funny feeling
Everything's gonna be alright now

Scar where all my urges bled

So, the advantage of being in academia ? Well, it ensures you've never forgotten what your nightmares were like, as a child. Don't you agree ? No ? Maybe you've just not gotten that kind of stress, that's fine. It's good. Fortunately for me, I have people I can share most of these things with, last week was not the best though in terms of nightmares, three in a week, or was it two. They are blurred, I only remember the feeling, multiple in a day does not bode well I guess.

Ah - well. C'est la vie, non ?

Muse: Butterflies And Hurricanes


change,
everything you are
and everything you were
your number has been called
fights, battles have begun
revenge will surely come
your hard times are ahead

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

change,
everything you are
and everything you were
your number has been called
fights and battles have begun
revenge will surely come
your hard times are ahead

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

don't,
let yourself down
don't let yourself go
your last chance has arrived

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

Speak to me now and the world will crumble

Yes, I've been listening to Opeth a little too much. The point however is this, I shall do something that I do not often do, talk about an issue that has been bothering me of late. Yes, I shall talk about my opinions on a matter apart from my life, I shall do what "good" bloggers and writers do.

The issue of course, is how sporting events divide people amongst each other. Actually that was all that I had to say about it, I hate how that happens, so club sports end up irritating me a lot. That's about it.

On the other hand, I've found brilliant new music at long last. Tool is now complemented by Porcupine Tree, Opeth, Dream Theater and Rush. I'll post lyrics to one of their songs below.

Porcupine Tree: The Sound Of Muzak

Hear the sound of music
Drifting in the aisles
Elevator prozac
Stretching on for miles

The music of the future
Will not entertain
It's only meant to repress
And neutralise your brain

Soul gets squeezed out
Edges get blunt
Demographic
Gives what you want

Now the sound of music
Comes in silver pills
Engineered to suit you
Building cheaper thrills

The music of rebellion
Makes you wanna rage
But it's made by millionaires
Who are nearly twice your age

One of the wonders of the world is going down
It's going down I know
It's one of the blunders of the world that no-one cares
No-one cares enough

The queen of spades

Well, I guess this had to be done. I needed to make a decision, I have almost made one. I choose to be pragmatic and level headed I think. I've not completely made up my mind. I'll most probably be doing that though. The more I think about it, the more I realise that I do not have the risk taking thing. That they say you should have, oh I have it, but I seem to not do the whole following of the heart bit too well.

I also realised that I am to a large extent fickle and what I like now - I might not like two years down the line, and what I might like then I might never have heard of now.

The thing is, you most probably don't even know what I'm talking about, I've kept most of you in the dark, for a reason. I want there to be asymmetric flow of information, keeps some part of the dynamic in my hand. Some of you know the complete story, some who do don't visit this, that's alright, they get told more than you'd care to know.

Song time I guess, ps: the title, King of hearts would have left people with an interesting expectation. Hence the other card that popped into my head - the ace of spades- hence well you get the general idea. The King of hearts would be the title 'cause well the decision I need to make most probably will break my heart. I most probably have already subconsciously made it. Any ways, song time, I've been listening to Dream Theater a lot, of late so this is what dictates the choice, not related to the above post, as such.

Lost in the sky
Clouds roll by and I roll with them
Arrows fly
Seas increase and then fall again

This world is spinning around me
This world is spinning without me
Every day sends future to past
Every breath leaves one less to my last

Watch the sparrow falling
Gives new meaning to it all
If not today nor yet tomorrow then some other day

Ill take seven lives for one
And then my only fathers son
As sure as I ever did love him
I am not afraid

This world is spinning around me
The whole world keeps spinning around me
All life is future to past
Every breath leaves me one less to my last

Pull me under pull me under
Pull me under Im not afraid
All that I feel in honor and spite
All I can do is set it right

Dust fills my eyes
Clouds roll by and I roll with them
Centuries cry
Orders fly and I fall again

This world is spinning inside me
The whole world is spinning inside of me
Every day sends future to past
Every step brings me closer to my last

Pull me under pull me under
Pull me under Im not afraid
Living my life too much in in the sun
Only until your will is done

Serotonin Rush

That's what I felt, it was a calming feeling - to know that the other person is truly concerned. That you're not just any one. I knew that of course, people have mentioned it, and I've been consulted on things I would not imagine being consulted on anywhere else, I've been treated like an equal.

But today I was treated like a student, with a concerned teacher, it felt nice. There was concern surprise, awe at my stupidity, reassurance and a quiet suggestion that alternatives exist. I've never considered the alternatives maybe I should, I might, I'd be devastated, but I might.

Now I leave you with an opeth song - I really found this to be particularly nice.

Death Whispered A Lullaby: Opeth

Out on the road there are fireflies circling
Deep in the woods, where the lost souls hide
Over the hill there are men returning
Trying to find some peace of mind

Sleep my child [4x]

Under the fog there are shadows moving
Don't be afraid, hold my hand
Into the dark there are eyelids closing
Buried alive in the shifting sands
Sleep my child [4x]

Speak to me now and the world will crumble
Open a door and the moon will fall
All of your life all your memories
Go to your dreams, forget it all
Sleep my child [4x]

They were the best of times

Well no, they certainly were not, they were much closer to the worst of times to be more truthful. There was nothing extraordinary, nothing special. There were pangs of envy, there always are. You might have an image of how bad it is, do not worry, you're right, it is that bad. The reason I tell you to not worry, is not because you are letting your imagination run wild with implications and possibilities, it's because you're letting it run wild trying to gauge the effects of said implications et. al. on me and my reactions to them. They will be taken care of. I will have to, options of any other sort are not available to me. They exist mind you, I choose not to recognise them, to ignore them, the desporation borne of this should result in something. I've made the choice, let's see - this after all is the greatest of all experiments.

There will be days of sadness, followed by - satisfaction, yes there will be no joy. A slight sliver maybe, tempered with the knowledge that something better exists, leading ultimately to more dissatisfaction than you'd want. It's a price I pay, not willingly mind you, not gladly, but begrudgingly, because I feel I have no other option. I do not want to know about that other person, I know already, in my heart of hearts I know. There will be days of cleverness, of elegance, nothing over the top, nothing extreme, but they will help understand why it is that I do what I do. Why I want to do that. They will be few, randomly spaced, each successive one an oasis in a sea of doubt. The suffering that will be experienced - will be required, there is no guarantee it will help, none that others require it as well, but it will be required, it always is.

There was no reason for this post, it is vague at its best, purposely made so, if you don't understand what it's about - you're most probably not the target audience, if you did, think again, yes of course, you are right, but still - think again. I ask you to think, mostly because I seem to not want to, it is surprising but the effort to actually sit down and form coherent thoughts seems to leave me weak, gasping for air, like a cat on mars, hoping its last life still remains. Nevertheless these functions, writing, talking, they require no thought on my part, this sadly is the truth. The joy of intense thought has left, I feel unable to bear the process, the time it takes, the arduousness of it all. If all of this seems familiar to you, the feelings and the frustration. Then you have my pity, no one should feel this way, I know I feel like this but it is temporary, I'll find my joy soon enough, I hope you do as well. No, I did not mean sympathy.

The tone was different, have you seen grainy video ? The tone here would have suited a grainy video, the cinematic kind, not the one that was called cinematic cause there was no better camera available, but the pretentious kind. No I was not being pretentious. No, I do not in fact think I know what questions are running through your head, I answer the ones I'd assumed would come up.

No lyrics that reflect what I've said, I have nothing dark and morbid enough. They may exist, but I don't have them. Lyrics for an unrelated song follow nonetheless, Placebo.

"Sleeping with ghosts" - Placebo

The sea's evaporated
Though it comes as no surprise
These clouds we're seeing
They're explosions in the sky
It seems it's written
But we can't read between the line

Hush
It's okay
Dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes
Cause soulmates never die

This one world vision
Turns us in to compromise
What good's religion
When it's each other we despise
Damn the government
Damn their killing
Damn their lies

Hush
It's okay
Dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes
Cause soulmates never die

Soulmates never die
Never die
Soulmates never die
Never die...
Soulmates never die
Soulmates never die
Soulmates never die
Soulmates never die

Twisted Nails of Faith

Very interesting things have happened, AMD sold off their mobile division to Qualcomm, Intel is outsourcing their ATOM production to TSMC and Nvidia might just get into x86 based chips. Not many people understand the implications of these things - suffice to say things are messed up. The current economic situation as everyone calls it, has messed things up a lot.

I've recently come back to listening to TOOL and let me be the first person to say that they are awesome. Speaking of music, there are two interesting songs by Smashing Pumpkins (there are many but these two are special for a different reason) these two - named the 'Beginning is the end is the beginning' and the 'End is the beginning is the end' have been created for two super hero movies namely "Batman and Robin" and 'Watchmen' (not necessarily in that order, and fans of watchmen will argue with me for calling it a superhero movie, but lets not get into that) . I've put the lyrics to both the songs later on. There was also my rediscovery of 'Crazy town' via a song of theirs called 'Discovery' pretty nice.


I remember there was a comet that was supposed to be visible around the 26th or so of Feb sadly I couldn't see it mostly because I had no telescope or binoculars but also because well everything in the nightsky seemed tinged with green that night, searching for a green tinged comet was not exactly - easy. A remark on the ides of march coming up made me remember books by Richard Armour, his books were almost integral to my childhood and memories of reading them during the summer are still very very close to me. Reading those books draped over chair's armrests and eating Leechis are in fact very very - enwarming and enfuzzying.

Nothing much of note has happened I'm awaiting march madness, as are a lot of other people, lets see what it results in. 'Twisted nails of faith' by the way is a song by 'Cradle of Filth', not an exceptional song, or even a good one, but one whose name I happen to like.

The Beginning is the End is the Beginning - Smashing Pumpkins
The Watchmen version

Send a heartbeat to
The void that cries through you
Relive the pictures that have come to pass
For now we stand alone
The world is lost and blown
And we are flesh and blood disintegrate
With no more to hate

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold secrets flame
We can watch the world devoured in it's pain

Delivered from the blast
The last of a line of lasts
The pale princess of a palace cracked
And now the kingdom comes
Crashing down undone
And I am a master of a nothing place
Of recoil and grace

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold secrets flame
We can watch the world devoured in it's pain

Time has stopped before us
The sky cannot ignore us
No one can separate us
For we are all that is left
The echo bounces off me
The shadow lost beside me
There's no more need to pretend
Cause now I can begin again

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold secrets flame
We can watch the world devoured in it's pain
Strange
Strange
Strange

The End is the Beginning is the End - Smashing Pumpkins
The Batman Version

The sewers belch me up
The heavens spit me out
From ethers tragic I am born again
And now I'm with you now
Inside your world of wow
To move in desires made of deadly pretends
Till the end times begin

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour, I hold secrets flame
You can watch the world devoured in it's pain
Strange

Climb my ribcage to
The replays run for you
Unhook my lights to peek behind the flash
For I am crystal chrome
I am shatter dome
I am kremlin king of angels avenged
To destroy the end

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour, I hold secrets flame
You can watch the world devoured in it's pain

The zeppelins rain upon us
The guns of love disastrous
A shadow lies amongst you
To defy the future cast

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour, I hold secrets flame
You can watch the world devoured in it's pain
Strange
Strange